So, I have had an extremely rocky past and a lot of life issues. Addiction and depression and severe mental illness and obesity are part of my story. I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life, and I am now over three years sober from heroin and almost 8 months now from alcohol. I see a counselor and a psychiatrist and take mental health medications regularly, and just a few weeks ago I decided to do something about my weight and binge eating as well and joined a gym. I am doing everything I possibly can to live my best life and be the best person I can be. And I am happy to say that I’ve been going to the gym regularly and have lost six pounds.
Sometimes I think I’m not worth all this help I’ve gotten and all the good things I have going for me, but you know what? Everybody is worth it. We all matter. Our health matters, our happiness matters, and our spiritual well-being matters. I may not be extra-special, but I have value, just the same as everybody else.
My life goal is to be well. Happy, healthy, and all-around doing good. And it’s not just me that matters. Sometimes one of the healthiest things you can do is own up to your stuff and apologize to God and whoever you hurt when you should, and then attempt to live better in regard to how you treat God and others.
But, there is a point where you can get really depressed if you are constantly introspective and worrying about your guilt after you have done all you can to better yourself, and if that’s you, it’s time to let the guilt go. I am definitely speaking to myself too here. Guilt that makes you feel worthless and depressed and doesn’t serve any useful purpose (such as being a motivator to apologize sincerely and change) is just toxic and it can even be self-abuse if you start to hate yourself. It’s baggage that isn’t helping you or anyone else. Leave that heavy stuff with Jesus and enjoy your life; life’s a gift.
Anyway, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I’m doing the footwork to get better. I can say it’s made a huge difference in my life. I’ve lost some weight, I am happier and more content, I got a job (I’m a recovering lazy person), I’m doing well in college, and I’m dealing with my internal problems.
It’s a fight, don’t get me wrong. I haven’t “arrived” yet. But I’m fighting now, when before all I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position in bed and cry and stay there for the rest of my life. I felt ugly and fat, I felt afraid of getting health problems because of it, I felt depressed, I felt ashamed and guilty, and I didn’t care about myself anymore. If that’s you right now, why not make wellness a life goal? A lifestyle? You’re worth it. Everyone is. Maybe it’s time to start doing the footwork to live your best and happiest life.
I used to think things like financial health, physical health, and emotional health were mundane and that they didn’t really matter. I thought the only thing that mattered was spiritual health. But they do matter. It all matters. Because like I said, life is a gift, and I personally believe that God wants us happy and well and enjoying it all.
So, this is just what I’m doing lately and how I feel about things. I am not trying to preach really, I’m just sick of sadness and feeling horrible. And I feel happier lately. And I wanted to share about it. Feel free to join me in taking care of yourself if you are sick of feeling unwell too.