So I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick of living in my misery. I have been adamant in advocating that it’s okay to have depression, just because I have gone through so much of it without a friend to talk to, and I always wished someone would listen and be a crying shoulder.
Sometimes people did, and I’m not trying to say nobody ever did. I’m grateful to all my wonderful friends that have been there for me in hard times. But like, while their loving advice and consolation helped, it didn’t really fix my broken heart. Because at the root of it was an addiction to negativity and pain; essentially, I have a gratitude problem, and a negative attitude.
I’m kind of cynical and pessimistic and negative, and I’m a more than a little bit bitter. But I’m ready to ditch that nonsense. I’m finally crying uncle and I’m willing to be positive. I have a great life. I live in the United States, where the poor live like kings compared to third-world countries. And I’m not even comparably poor.
I have like everything I could ever want. I’ve got a wonderful husband, family and friends. I’ve got access to so much food that I’m fat (ha, it’s a blessing in that way). I’m not on the streets. I’m in college. And for some reason I’ve been like one of the unhappiest people. I swear, I’m kicking myself right now. I’m not even trying to brag. I’ve been kind of an ungrateful butt and I’m admitting it (sorry to all my loved ones, and to God, really).
So, here goes day one of a “thank you” attitude instead of “my life stinks”. One thing I am struggling to do, and am imperfectly trying to do today is hand my will over to God and pursue His will. I have trust and self-will problems. But I think God wants me to be happy. I think that’s definitely in His will for me. So I’ll start there.
This is my passage for the day:
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-19