So, I’ve been afraid of what people think for as long as I can remember. Like over-the-top afraid. I have been so fragile that you could breathe on me and I would crumble inside. You get the point; I get my feelings hurt really, really easily, and it eats at me terribly. It usually goes hurt feelings > depression > anger for me.
I’ve also been ashamed of myself for years and years. I’ve done really embarrassing things in my lifetime as well as sinned. And for years I thought God was punishing me by putting me to shame. I thought God was abusive honestly because of what I’ve gone through.
Well, God showed me something today that I hope will prove to be the key to set me free. It isn’t God that’s abusive, the people who have judged me harshly and mocked me are. God isn’t controlling them, and the only reason I even feel ashamed is that I care what they think.
If I can let go of living for people’s approval and fearing them, I can be free to joyously live for God. Not myself. Not them. Just live for Jesus. And I wouldn’t even be angry if I weren’t hurting. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes in response to a primary emotion, which is either hurt or fear. Emotional pain or fear is the trigger for anger, and in the case of fear anger is a defense mechanism that prepares us to respond to “fight or flight” situations with courage.
Well, living like a natural person and not a spiritual person leads to responding in anger and fear. And I have been very much living in my flesh. What I need to do is only fear God and not people, and to live for God’s approval and not man’s. I also need to live for Jesus and not myself. If I can do those things, the shame and fear and anger will go away. If I don’t care what people think, then I won’t get hurt. And if I’m not hurt, I won’t be angry. That simple.
All I know right now is that I’m tired of cowering and feeling depressed and angry and miserable and ashamed, and I’m ready to break free. I want to walk in confidence. I’m afraid to say all this and then fall back into shame, but you know what, I’m claiming my victory. If I stumble I’ll get right back up again. I have a simple mind that forgets easily, so I have to focus on one thing at a time. So for now, I’ll be practicing being unashamed and unafraid.
If you want to join me, here are some verses for you:
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
7 “Hear me, you who know what is right,
you people who have taken my instruction to heart:
Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals
or be terrified by their insults.
8 For the moth will eat them up like a garment;
the worm will devour them like wool.
But my righteousness will last forever,
my salvation through all generations.”
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I hope you enjoy your day!